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When I really think about it, I love you.

I love you more than ever just because of those I can't find myself able to trust any longer.

And I cherish what I had, but it's over and done with now. No use crying over spilt milk. Only love, that's all.
I experience a certain level of paranoia sometimes regarding some friends.

Some friends will drop me over petty bullshit.

Some friends will treat me like an outsider and a piece of shit when I'm around them and complain and appear to hold grudges against me when I can't make it to them because I can't afford the gas. And then speak of it plainly in front of me as if I won't get it. Perhaps, though, this is all just in my head, part of the paranoia. Regardless, as you laugh at the supposed irony, I smile cynically as you confirm what I always believed.

I no longer belong where I once did; diverging paths lead loved ones away from each other. Every time I see any of you I'm so excited beforehand and leave feeling despised and unwanted. And yet I keep putting myself through it, because I so badly want back what we all had before we all moved apart. Not this. Never this.

I am above this. I am made of love and no one can stop me through any of their childish swipes.

Again and again and again I allow other to stab me in the back and at this point, it's over. New friends are made and love remains. Only love!

Nov. 2nd, 2008

life and loves and all that is beautiful. so i lost a love, but gained experience. still friends but it's sad; i knew it would end badly but i didn't realise it'd be so damn soon. not sad anymore or even angry. maybe a little vindictive but it was a dick move of him. staying friends; we're still as the three musketeers and it should stay that way whether or not he fucked me over!

life is still good. october is finally over. halloween was lovely; my performance at RHPS on the second night of our halloween blowout went spendidly.

no more job but hey i still have another paycheck coming.

pushing forward the exploration to be in a few months. exciting! cold.

life is fucking beautiful and i feel so deeply all the time and good or bad it is the best thing in the world. i am so fucking content with my life no matter fucking what and it's great; i wish you were me! i wish you could all enjoy my life with me.

Do not believe me for I am a false prophet.

Or follow me as sheep, whichever you choose, I'm leading us all off the cliff.

My life is kind of going down the drain, I think, but in the best way possible! Down the gutter, hahahahahahahaha. God I'm gross, at least I'm not crust. Ew.

Anyway so. Uh.

Why did I make a post? I love you guys.
oh my goodness. life is so fascinating

maybe flogging molly monday

brother's face is destroyed

lost my job

going to shows and living my life

exploring, most of all. exploring and being happy.

happy.
Sizzle, sizzle.

Dying my hair red for real this time

Magenta tomorrow night at Rocky

First day of new job tomorrow morning

Samtime today

More Samtime next week

Got Adam caught sneaking out, oops. Well idk if it was my fault but I was sneaking him out of his house

Oops

Totally
Uh

Stuff.
With a flash of the ankle, snarl of the lip. I see you in the street and gasp. Because only anarchists are pretty.

Jul. 18th, 2008

i'm sorry.
i just tried dying my hair red

the box said intense auburn red or something

it's mouse brown. with some vague red highlights.

i'm both furious and kinda depressed.

my mom says "WAIT A FEW DAYS" but i hate it NOW.