I see the posts here by friends and people I care about. I hear the stories, the complaints... and most of them seem to be the same. And I don't have that. I can't tell them I know exactly how it feels... because I don't.

I must be one of the luckiest people on earth. I have freedom, and lots of it. I'm not really tied down, and it's wonderful, as hard as this can be sometimes.

Sometimes I wish I could just share it with you.

Nights like yesterday make me appreciate everything I have... nights can be so wonderful. Nights can be so fucking good.

everybody has a birthday coming up or just passed! happy birthday everyone!

also happy birthday me! i'm no longer going to be a teenager as on this coming sunday. fuckin' weird.

who ever thought that being a social butterfly would make you feel like a goddamned pariah?

no, that's cruel, it's not that, it's just being too different anymore. getting stupider and more wise to the world, less book smart, more street smart. i'm getting dumber in some respects and it's alienated me.

i miss you, you know. each and every one of you regardless of how you may have made me feel at some point, and regardless of how shitty i may have treated you. nothing is ever one sided.

i don't think it's something we can ever have back, though. we can try but...

who knows. it's not in the cards.

take your success and be happy, i'll take my failures and make the best of it.
i hope, at least, that we're all enjoying life in our own ways! it's all we could ever wish for, happiness despite everything.

i still love you, you know.

i share the sentiment.

in other news, reconnecting with certain people, certain problems solved-- some inner demons vanquished. hooray!

saw world/inferno recently. hooray!

met a new awesome friend at that show! hooray!

bouncing souls in ... 2 days! hooray!

birthday next weekend! ...hooray? i won't be a teenager anymore. turning twenty. this is very strange. i know not what to make of it.
will i be an adult all of a sudden? weird.

uh, probably tattoo soon, hooray!

lots of hoorays. many hoorays. awesome. some not so good things but nothing major enough to, as the kids like to say, "harsh my mellow."

things are wonderful despite all of that

once in a while i am the furthest from infinite.

but i find myself feeling the right way more and more often.

when i'm exploring, when i'm not even myself anymore with the ecstasy of doing what i love
at a show
fulfilling my wanderlust
just being to be, not trying for anything

i feel as if i am, indeed, infinite.

i've regained my childlike wonder and i will never, ever let it go.

care to join me?

all the time, i have so much to say and no words to put them in, it's devastating.

bah.

chocolate, and my mother's ham casserole.
and maybe some hot cocoa.

♥

You know, this is getting ridiculous. How can one accustomed to bouncing about and being homeless be a domestic?

Haha punk rock domestics, prd.com all the way.

Yeah one of the things I got most excited about when I realised I'm moving into a house Monday is that holy crap I can make stuff for the house. So I'm a busy little bee, crocheting dishcloths and trivets and the like.

I'm fucking retarded.

When I really think about it, I love you.

I love you more than ever just because of those I can't find myself able to trust any longer.

And I cherish what I had, but it's over and done with now. No use crying over spilt milk. Only love, that's all.

I experience a certain level of paranoia sometimes regarding some friends.

Some friends will drop me over petty bullshit.

Some friends will treat me like an outsider and a piece of shit when I'm around them and complain and appear to hold grudges against me when I can't make it to them because I can't afford the gas. And then speak of it plainly in front of me as if I won't get it. Perhaps, though, this is all just in my head, part of the paranoia. Regardless, as you laugh at the supposed irony, I smile cynically as you confirm what I always believed.

I no longer belong where I once did; diverging paths lead loved ones away from each other. Every time I see any of you I'm so excited beforehand and leave feeling despised and unwanted. And yet I keep putting myself through it, because I so badly want back what we all had before we all moved apart. Not this. Never this.

I am above this. I am made of love and no one can stop me through any of their childish swipes.

Again and again and again I allow other to stab me in the back and at this point, it's over. New friends are made and love remains. Only love!

life and loves and all that is beautiful. so i lost a love, but gained experience. still friends but it's sad; i knew it would end badly but i didn't realise it'd be so damn soon. not sad anymore or even angry. maybe a little vindictive but it was a dick move of him. staying friends; we're still as the three musketeers and it should stay that way whether or not he fucked me over!

life is still good. october is finally over. halloween was lovely; my performance at RHPS on the second night of our halloween blowout went spendidly.

no more job but hey i still have another paycheck coming.

pushing forward the exploration to be in a few months. exciting! cold.

life is fucking beautiful and i feel so deeply all the time and good or bad it is the best thing in the world. i am so fucking content with my life no matter fucking what and it's great; i wish you were me! i wish you could all enjoy my life with me.

♥

Do not believe me for I am a false prophet.

Or follow me as sheep, whichever you choose, I'm leading us all off the cliff.

My life is kind of going down the drain, I think, but in the best way possible! Down the gutter, hahahahahahahaha. God I'm gross, at least I'm not crust. Ew.

Anyway so. Uh.

Why did I make a post? I love you guys.

oh my goodness. life is so fascinating

maybe flogging molly monday

brother's face is destroyed

lost my job

going to shows and living my life

exploring, most of all. exploring and being happy.

happy.

Sizzle, sizzle.

Dying my hair red for real this time

Magenta tomorrow night at Rocky

First day of new job tomorrow morning

Samtime today

More Samtime next week

Got Adam caught sneaking out, oops. Well idk if it was my fault but I was sneaking him out of his house

Oops

Totally
Uh

Stuff.

With a flash of the ankle, snarl of the lip. I see you in the street and gasp. Because only anarchists are pretty.

i'm sorry.

i just tried dying my hair red

the box said intense auburn red or something

it's mouse brown. with some vague red highlights.

i'm both furious and kinda depressed.

my mom says "WAIT A FEW DAYS" but i hate it NOW.

I moved to avenel yay

yay

YAY

And stuff. I don't have interwebs access at the moment; my landlady has a wireless router but my wireless adapter is ancient and non functioning so I have to wait until we can afford to buy a new one or whatever. So, for now, I'll be online whenever I'm where I can access internuts.

What the fuck happened to the chans

Has the cancer finally taken over?

Good night, sweet prince.